We really need to rethink the car-buying process in this traumatic brain injury of a country. I know it will never happen, since something like 40% of all state legislatures are third-generation millionaires who make their nut by owning 27 auto dealerships each, but jesus christ it is just an insane, degrading process.

I know large swaths of the rest of the world treat every commercial transaction as something fungible to be discussed and negotiated ad nauseum, but just about the one thing Western Civ got right is that a Thing should have a Price, and take it or fucking leave it. I don't wanna talk to ANYONE when I buy ANYTHING. I want to wordlessly search the Internet for the Thing I want, see a generally unchanging price for that Thing, and decide if Thing is worth that amount of monies to have for myself. If yes, I want to click a button on a website and have it show up some number of days later. If not, I want to simply get on with my life. Either way, the amount of words I have to verbally or even textually exchange with another human being holds steady at zero.

However, when it comes to the Second Biggest Purchase Most Americans Will Ever Make Next To A House (At Least For Now Because None of the Generations Coming Up Behind My Gen X Can Afford Cars, Much Less Houses), though, we're all supposed to suddenly have the skills of a fuckin' Turkish rug merchant even though we're going against someone who literally does this for a living multiple times a day and has honed his customer-fucking skills honed to a sharp, barbed point.

Yeah. That's fair.

Search for the exact same vehicle and options across five different dealerships and you will goddamned well get five completely different prices quoted at you via 27 text messages and 34 phone calls within 30 seconds of asking for the TrueCar price. How is this possible? It's the exact same fucking vehicle. I'm looking at pre-tax pricing. WHY THE VARIANCE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?

Oh, wait: it doesn't fucking matter anyways, because that sure as shit is not the price you'll be paying!

Just... fuck man. Let me buy cars on Amazon already. I hate this.