Long-time FB followers (read: sufferers and/or people who do not know how to block people on FB) of mine are familiar with my lunchtime gripes about the workplace building cafeteria/break room. When I'm in that building, I pretty religiously take my lunch at 1pm and reboot my mind, set work aside for the hour, read, etc...

Or, at least, I'd try to. The lunch room has inescapable TVs set up at sterilization volumes on enough walls to where there is precisely one two-top in the entire fucking place where you're not in line of site/sound of these fucking things.

Generally, at 1pm, they've been showing Maury. Y'all know what Maury is: a freak-show for the entertainment of the bourgeoisie at the expense of the poor. It fuckin' sucks, and having that blaring ambiently in the environment strips away 90% of the possible relaxation benefit one should get from a lunch hour.

And no, before you ask: headphones aren't an option. I like to read during lunch. And having even music or something damages my focus on reading. I can read just fine with regular human voices conversing or the usual background noise of being out in a public space, but amplified Maury morons just absolutely screeching an entire lifetime's worth of pain and disappointment in the one seven-minute window of their entire lives where Someone Is Paying Attention... that's kinda hard to shut out.

Anywho. Starting this week, lunchtime Maury has been replaced by some new-age-y horseshit called the Meg Robbins show or some shit. It's just some suburban white wine mom who literally has to state a disclaimer every episode that she is in NO way a medical doctor or licensed practitioner of any sort but rather just a scam-artist life coach who thinks she's uniquely qualified to, I dunno, profit off of the misery of broken people in the exact same depth Maury does, but via faked empathy as opposed to Maury's horseshit neutral observer stance. I can't tell you which is worse but I can tell you that both fuckin' suck.

Like in today's shit show I literally heard this charlatan Very Seriously tell some broken sad sack "wherever you go, there you are" like it was Hard Truth fucked into her mind by the nine dicks of Odin the Allfather instead of something she doesn't remember hearing from Buckaroo Banzai but she totally heard it from Buckaroo Banzai.

On further reflection, I think... she's worse. She's fuckin' worse than Maury. Maury's a fuckin' god-tier scumbag emotional tourism profiteer merchant vampire, but he's... kinda honest? Like, he makes no claims that he's having the slightest positive impact on these peoples' lives other than maybe clearing up an issue of questionable paternity here and there on his dime. His AUDIENCE is definitely worse, but they're also honest about it: they're here to get red, nude and howling at all of the ways the people on-stage have fucked up their lives worse than they have. It's certainly gross, but nobody's trying to claim otherwise.

But this quiet, “you are loved" not-actual-help interspersed with quiet tears and the occasional tepid blast of polite applause... christ. It's like if Alex Jones was an NPR product, and fuck that.