"Jersey Shore" is MTV's latest entry into the "Why the Rest of the World Hates Us" sweepstakes and, as these shows go, they have got a 500 ft. home run on their hands.
I'm normally not one for reality shows that don't involve cooking. Yet this show... this particularly awful, unredeeming, trainwreckesque Pakistani bus crash of a realty show has got me by the (eye)balls.
The show basically follows four Guidos (male dago jagoffs from the greater New York area epitomized by awful accents, overly-done hair, ripped muscles, fake tans, and horrible fashion sense) and four female guidettes (female dago bitchbags from the greater New York area epitomized by awful accents, overly-done hair, fake tans, faker tits, and horrible fashion sense) after they've been tossed into a Jersey Shore Summer Home for the summer and loaded up with booze by MTV so the latter can make money off of the horrible shenanigans they'll film.
And wow are these kids living up to it.
Just watch it at MTV's TV site if you want to know it in detail. I'm more horrified by the overall gestalt the show presents. Y'see... I've never been to Jersey. And I have precisely zero intention of ever going there. So this entire universe is foreign to me, and I'm kind of appalled it exists in my homeland. I thought the entire "Guido" phenomenon was an extended Internet joke that had taken on a life of its own, starting with, I believe, the ur-Guido (example pic here) or as categorized as the first, no longer the only, but still primary group of general population d-bags at the Classic Catalog Site for That Type.
But no, unless MTV hired a few thousand extras that resemble the cast itself very, very closely, rented out the entirety of the Jersey Shore, kicked out everybody normal who actually goes there, etc.... these people actually fucking exist for sure, and in very large numbers. I'm driven to despair/inordinately drawn to the sheer vanity of the men (which impressively outweighed that of the girls), the utter lack of self-confidence present in every last damn one of them save J-Woww and Ronnie (both of whom are simply too fuckin' DUMB to know what a doubt _is_, much less have one), the insane amount of bronzer and lip gloss smeared across _both_ genders... the 'roids, the horrible, horrible tattoos, the sexual idiocy that took a whopping 2 days to start up... it's like the Cock Rock Era all over again, but orders of magnitude worse. The hair metallers of yore looked like that as a way to succeed in a music career (the dudes) or to latch on to whoever either already was successful or looked likely to get there (the chicks). These fuckwraps look like this as an end in itself.
I dunno if I can handle a whole season of this nonsense, but they've got me for the foreseeable future. These kids are the link between those of us who are scared of our Idiocracy future and those who are going to be it.
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